Raise your hand if you’ve heard this:
â–ª“Good girls” follow instructions.
â–ª“Good girls” do what they’re told.
â–ª“Good girls” put others first.
â–ª“Good girls” don’t argue.
If you’re female, there’s a good chance your hand is now in the air.
Keep your hand up if you’ve also heard this:
If you don’t do these things (above), then you’re a
â–ª rebel
â–ª a trouble maker
â–ª defiant
â–ª a bitch
Keep your hand up if you’ve also heard this:
If you don’t do these things (above), then you’re a
â–ª rebel
â–ª a trouble maker
â–ª defiant
â–ª a bitch
The girl who doesn’t want to hug the uncle, or go to the party, or be around that group of people, when she doesn’t follow someone else’s lead, she’s labeled “difficult”. When she says no, she’s called a bitch.
This was me. Well, the “good girl” was me. I’ve always been a people pleaser. I like when people like me. And, the better I perform, the happier they are.
Until I’m tired and feel taken for granted. Until I feel resentful toward that person. Until I feel controlled by that person.
Then, I get angry. Why can’t they see that I don’ t want to do that? Why can’t they read my mind and know that I’m tired? Why do I always have to do what they want me to do?
Then I beat myself up because I should be fulfilled by helping others. I should enjoy doing all I can for someone else, because that’s what a “good girl” does. I should follow instructions and not argue. I should push my feelings aside for the sake of others.
But I do not.
And this cycle continues.
It took me a long time to realize that
1. there isn’t anything wrong with me for feeling this way
2. I have to speak up, people cannot read my mind
3. And that it is okay to say…. NO
2. I have to speak up, people cannot read my mind
3. And that it is okay to say…. NO
â–ªNo thank you.
â–ªI’d rather not.
â–ªI won’t be able to make it.
â–ªI’m not comfortable with that.
This simple truth, that is so evident to so many other people, was a revelation for me. That I could say no, and the world wouldn’t end.
Do some people get upset when I say no? Yep. But I’ve also learned that, that is on them. Their response is a them thing, not a me thing.
I cannot make everyone happy.
And, “just because I CAN do something, does not mean I SHOULD”. (the quote that caused me to ask for a demotion!)
Look, are there times I say yes? Yep! A lot actually. I say yes to the things I want. And, I say no to the things I don’t.
It’s been a journey to get here, and quite honestly, I’m still growing & learning. But it’s time for me to turn around, and help the woman following in my footsteps.
If any of my story resonates with you, if you struggle to say no, or if you know someone that does, will you let me help?
I want each woman to feel confident in saying what she does, and does not, want in life. I want her (you) to be able to speak up and take back control of your life.
Is it easy? No. It is hard. People get upset. Friends & family get upset. Your circle shrinks.
Then, it gets easier. One day, your calendar is filled with things that bring you joy. Not things you feel obligated to do. Events you feel obligated to attend.
You are surrounded with people who you want in your life and who support YOU as you are, not as they want you to be. People who respect your boundaries and don’t take offense when you decline a gathering, regardless of the reason.
It is freeing to not walk on eggshells all the time, ping-ponging back and forth between what you “should” do vs what you want to do.
Knowing what you want, and don’t want, and being able to say it.
Am I still a good girl? Maybe not by traditional standards. And I’m good with that.
If you’re interested send me an email. Let’s talk and see if I can help you break free from being the “good girl”.
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